Soul on Fire
by xxwretchedandivinexx
Summary: Ana is the lead singer for the band, The Romanovs. When they go on tour with HIM, and a complicated love affair begins, friendships will be ruined and hearts will be broken.
1. Chapter 1

INFORMATION: Name: Anastasia Tucker [Nickname: Ana] Age: 22 Hair: Dark Black, layered, straight Eyes: Blue Body Type: Slender/Athletic Style: Punk [usually consists of skinny jeans and band tees] Backstory: Born in Richmond, Virginia. Never met her real parents, but was adopted at the age of sixteen. She left home at age seventeen and started the band The Romanovs. When the band started to be recognized, Ana started partying more and more often, becoming an alcoholic. She broke her nose and became addicted to the pain medication, but recently became sober after being in a coma for four weeks. Now, Ana doesn't party and is on tour with HIM. CHAPTER 1: I laughed out loud as Ville became drenched with water. Joseph had gotten him good, just like he'd promised. Ville stopped in his tracks and took a deep breath. He was set to perform in only a few minutes. I could hear the crowd going crazy as the band teased them with little bits of guitar and drum playing in the darkness. "Great. Now I have to change." Ville said, shaking his head slightly. "I told you I would get my revenge." Joseph said. Joseph was the guitarist for our band, The Romanovs. We had named ourselves that because my name was Anastasia and we were all intrigued by the whole Romanov story. It just seemed to fit. "True." Ville turned and went to go get changed. The Romanovs had finished playing about twenty minutes before, so we were all sweaty and smelly. It was pretty bad when you could smell yourself. But I loved that smell. Not the smell of BO in general, just after a show. It meant that I had accomplished something. And that felt good. A few minutes later, Ville came back wearing a new shirt. It was black and buttoned down the front. My favorite shirt of his. I smiled at him as he walked out onto the stage. I heard the crowd go wild and the rest of the band started playing the intro to Killing Loneliness. So they were starting with a classic. And one of my favorite songs, too. I walked over to the edge of the stage and watched as Ville and the guys jumped around. Ville was into it. That's what I loved about him. He was so passionate about his music. About everything, really. When he cared about something, he really cared about it. That probably explained the tattoo on his wrist. It rang true. After standing and watching a few songs, I decided that now would be a good time to take a quick shower on the bus and change. I knew that the guys would probably be wanting to go out and celebrate the sold-out show. I didn't drink, so I would probably just stay in my hotel room. We didn't have a show tomorrow, which was good with me. I felt like I just needed a day to breathe. Tour life could be tiring. I walked out to the lot where the tour buses were parked. There were fans hanging around out here and when they saw me, they ran over, asking for my autograph. I smiled and signed their things, then slipped away and onto our bus. Our driver, Quinn, was sleeping with his trucker cap pulled down over his eyes. I grabbed some clean clothes from my duffel bag-a tattered Misfits shirt that hung from one shoulder, some dark blue yoga pants and some socks. After my nice, hot shower, I was getting dressed and heard the other guys get on the bus. They sounded excited. I got dressed and came out of the bathroom to see what was all the hubbub. The guys stared at me as I dried my hair with a towel. I stopped and looked at them. "What?" I asked. I hardly noticed Quinn was awake and the bus was moving. We must be on our way to the hotel, thank God. "Nothing. Are you going to come celebrate with us tonight? Our first sold out show!" Tyler, our bass player, said happily. "Depends. What are you guys doing to celebrate?" I asked skeptically. "Getting drunk, duh!" Joseph said. "Thought so. Nope, I'll be in my hotel room if you need me." We had just arrived at the hotel. I picked up my duffel bag, slid on my flip-flops and started for the door. "Aww! Ana, you never go out with us anymore!" Kurt, our drummer, whined. "Yeah, I don't drink anymore guys. Duh!" I said and started laughing. I walked off the tour bus and into the chilly Spring air. Spring was way warmer in Georgia than our home state of Virginia, though they weren't really that far apart. I went inside and got the key to my room. Quinn had already reserved us a few rooms (me to myself since I was the only girl, Tyler and Kurt together, and Joseph and Quinn together. Joseph was the quiet one, so he had offered to let Quinn room with him). In my room, I dropped my duffel bag on the small sofa and grabbed a soda from the mini-fridge. As soon as I had sat down, there was a knock on my door. Sighing heavily, I got up and opened it. "Last chance for fun." Tyler said. Everyone was with him: Gas, Mige, Burton, Linde, Joseph, Kurt, even Quinn. No Ville. "I'll pass. I think I'll just stay here and be boring. But thanks." I replied. "Whatever." "Yeah, your loss." Kurt said. Then they all took off down the hallway, acting like a bunch of hoodlums. I closed my door and went back to my bed. Looking at the clock, I saw that it was only ten o' clock. This night was going by slowly. I wasn't nearly as tired as I'd felt earlier, so I got up to order room service. My growling tummy was becoming louder by the second. I ordered a salad and a piece of chicken, then sat back to wait. About fifteen minutes later, I heard someone at the door. "Thank God, I'm star-" I had expected to see room service on the other side of the door, but it was Ville. "Sorry, I thought you were room service." Ville smiled. "Do you need something? The guys are already gone." "I know. I came to see you, actually." Ville replied. I cocked an eyebrow. "Why me?" "I was just sitting in my room, alone. I knew you didn't go with the guys, because you don't drink either. So I just figured you might want to hang out or something." The way Ville said the last sentence, it sounded like a question. How could I say no to that face? "Sure. But I already ordered room service. I didn't know you were coming." I said apologetically after letting him in. "It's fine. I just ate." Ville sat on the small sofa next to my bag. I noticed a pair of my panties were kind of hanging out and quickly moved my bag to the floor beside the sofa, stuffing my panties back inside. I knew I was blushing, but acted like I had not just sneakily hidden my underwear from him. I sat beside him, not knowing what to say. This was the first time the two of us had hung out together alone. It was silent, but not an awkward kind of silent. It was comfortable, like we didn't have to say anything. But that comfort was shattered by my ringtone. I pulled my phone from my bra and saw that it was Tyler. He was probably already drunk. Great. "Hello?" I answered. "Heyyy!" Tyler slurred on the other end. "Whatterr youu doin?" "Being sober. How about you?" "I'm drunk azzz a sku-" I heard a loud noise on Tyler's end and the phone hung up in my ear. I smiled. Typical drunk Tyler. He probably fell in the toilet or something. "That was Tyler." I told Ville. "They're having so much fun without us." "Great." Ville grinned. "I'm having fun here." "Really? We're not doing anything." "I know. But it sure as Hell beats being drunk all the time." "You make a valid point Mr. Valo." "So do you want to do something?" "Like what?" I eyed him suspiciously. "Not what you're thinking. I meant that we could go for a walk or catch a movie?" "But not a date." I had to clarify. "No, definitely not a date." I thought about taking offense, but didn't. "Okay. Let me eat and get dressed." "I'll come back in about forty-five minutes." "Okay." Ville let himself out and I ate my salad and chicken as quickly as I could, so I would have time to get ready. Afterward, I started digging through my duffel bag to find something movie-worthy. I finally chose a black v-neck long-sleeve. I put on some ripped skinny jeans, and my high-tops. I didn't do anything with my hair, just wore it down. I put on a little eyeliner (I wasn't big on makeup anyway), and I was ready to go. Ville was right on time. He wasn't wearing my favorite shirt of his anymore, since he had had to wear it on stage. He was now wearing a HIM shirt, which I found odd. Ville never wore a shirt with his own band's logo on it. He saw me staring and said, "I thought it would be funny if someone recognized me." I smiled and we went on our way. 


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2: The Atlanta air was blowing slightly, ruffling my hair a bit. Ville and I had decided to just go for a walk in a park nearby and talk. When we got to the park, I was chilled. Ville suggested we sit in the little tower. Though it only had three walls, it blocked most of the wind. I sat against one side, with my legs stretched out beside Ville; he sat facing me with his legs stretched out beside me. We were silent for a moment before Ville said, "Good show tonight." "Yeah, you too." I replied. "So why did you quit drinking?" I sighed heavily. "Long story." "Well, we've got plenty of time." Ville smirked. "True. Okay, when the band first started being recognized, right after we got our record deal, we all were partying all the time. I was drunk pretty much 24/7. Even on stage. I couldn't sing half the time and once, I even fell off the stage and broke my nose. After all that, I still didn't stop drinking. And the doctors gave me pain medication, so that on top of the alcohol..It wasn't good. I ended up overdosing about five months ago and I was in a coma for about a month." I smiled. "Luckily for me, they didn't pull the plug, huh?" "I suppose so." Ville said grimly. "Come on, don't be so down." I nudged him with my foot. "At least I'm alive and sober now. It all taught me a lesson." "Didn't there used to be another guy in the band?" "Oh, you mean Mikal. Yeah, he's a dick." "What happened?" "We dated for a while. He was abusive. One day, the guys came in right after Mikal had beat me pretty badly. Mikal was on hard drugs, so I guess it wasn't all his fault, but they beat him up and kicked him out of the band. This was before I was on drugs." "It was all his fault, you know. Drugs or no drugs, there's no excuse." Ville said. "Yeah, I know." Ville sighed. "Kind of like what happened between me and Jonna." "What happened?" "We got into an argument once and she screamed so loud, it busted my eardrums. We broke up after that." "I'd say so." "Yeah, we were having some tough times and I guess that weighed us both down. I'm with Sandra now, though." "Does she treat you better?" "She does." "Then that's all that matters. Among other things." "Of course, among other things." Ville replied with a grin. I checked my phone and saw that it was nearly one in the morning. We had been out a long time. I told Ville that I was ready to go get some rest, so we started on our way back. The air was colder now and I found myself wishing I had brought my jacket. Good thing the hotel was only about two blocks away. When we were about a block from the hotel, Ville said he had to go into a gas station and buy some cigarettes. I was waiting outside. A couple of guys were standing a good ten feet away. They were smoking and laughing. I noticed a liquor bottle in one of their hands. When they saw me, they started walking toward me. I pretended not to see them and looked in any other direction. It seemed like Ville was taking forever to buy those damned cigarettes. I glanced over and saw that the guys were almost to me. There was a short, chunky-looking one. He was the one with the liquor bottle. A lanky guy with dark hair and another guy who was tall with blonde hair. The two tall guys stood on either side of me, while the chunky one stood in front of me. "Can I help you?" I said in what I hoped was a defiant tone. "I'm sure you can." The fat one said. I sneered at him and tried to push out of the circle. The tall one with the dark hair was to my left and used one big hand to push me back against the wall. I kicked him in the shin (not exactly what I had been aiming for, but I could work with it) and tried to make a run for it. I knew at that moment that luck was not on my side. The blonde guy grabbed me by my shirt to pull me back and it ripped, exposing me. "Oh look what we have here." The fat one said as he handed the liquor bottle off to one of the other men. He came closer, but just as I was sure things were going to get out of control, I heard Ville call my name. "Ville!" I called back. Ville ran over. "What the Hell are you fucks doing?" Ville yelled at the men. "Who the fuck are you?" Blondie asked. "I'm her fucking boyfriend, you dick!" "Holy shit, you're Ville Valo!" The dark-haired one said. "I know who I am. And you'd better get the Hell outta here." "C'mon man. It's not worth it." Blondie said, starting to walk away. He made the other two join him, but he kept looking back like he wanted to do something. "What if they come back? They look like they want to." I said to Ville, who was wrapping his jacket around me. "They won't. Let's get you back to the hotel." We quickly made our way back to the hotel (Ville jokingly made me hurry because he said it was too cold for a girl to be out with an exposed chest). Upstairs near our rooms, the other band members were acting rowdy in the hallway. When they saw us approaching, they stopped. Joseph seemed to be the only half-sober one there and he appeared angry. "Look, dude. I like you and all," Joseph said when we were close enough to hear. "but you guys can't just go out and have sex. And you damn sure shouldn't be ripping her clothes off." "Joseph, Ville didn't do this, first of all. Second of all, I'm a grown woman, and if I want to go out and have sex, I will. You're not my father." I snapped. I hadn't really meant to, but he kind of asked for it. Joseph was taken aback by my abruptness and just turned and went into his room. I felt bad, but I wasn't going to dwell on it. Ville led me into my room and waited for me to put on a new shirt. I handed him his jacket and thanked him for saving me. "No problem. I'm used to it." "Used to what?" I asked. "Saving women. I'm kind of like Batman or something." Ville smirked. "No, but you owe me one." "Seriously?" "Oh, yeah." "Well, what do you want?" I sat on the edge of the bed. Ville, who had been standing in front of me, leaned against the back of the sofa. "Tomorrow, let's go out." "Like a date?" "No, I'm dating Sandra, remember?" "Oh, right. Good, because I haven't been a date in too long. So what did you have in mind?" Ville poked his chin with his index finger, thinking. "How about we just get some fast food, and have a picnic by the lake. Just the two of us." "Fast food? Just think of all those carbs!" I joked. "Yeah, we can do that. What time?" "How's noon?" "Perfect." "Great. See you at noon. Now, get some sleep." Ville kissed me on the forehead and left me alone. 


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3:

That morning, I was awakened by the sound of someone rudely banging on my door. I got out of bed and pulled on some shorts (I only sleep in a T-shirt usually). When I peeked through the peephole, I saw Joseph on the other side of my door, Jack Daniels in one hand, half a bouqet of flowers in the other hand. I say half because most of them were at least partially destroyed. It was a rare occasion when Joseph really got wasted, so something must be bothering him. Especially if he was showing up at my door.

I opened the door and asked, "What are you doing, Joseph?"

"I brought you these!" Joseph thrust the flowers into my arms, breaking more of them.

"Uhh..Thanks."

Joseph pushed past me, into my room and collapsed on the sofa, nearly spilling the liquor onto the floor. I took the bottle and sat it on the table, along with the flowers, then sat beside Joseph. He placed his hand lightly on my thigh. I let it stay there, mainly because I knew he was drunk and didn't mean it. Also, I knew he wouldn't try anything. He was really passive.

"So what do you need Joseph?" I asked again.

"You."

"Real funny."

"I'm serious. Ana, I love you."

"Joseph, you're drunk."

"Maybe, but I know how I feel."

"How about telling me when you're sober, then." I said, getting up from the sofa. Joseph grabbed my wristand pulled me back down. What was it with people treating me like their property? Maybe I was just being petty.

"Kiss me." Joseph said, slipping his hand behind my neck and bringing my lips down to his. I used my hands to push him away.

"Stop it, Joseph. I don't like you like that."

"Why?" I could tell he was angry, but I couldn't help how I felt. "Because you like Valo? Is that it? Am I not good enough?"

"No, I don't like Ville, but if I did, that's my business. And it's not that you're not good enough, Joseph. I just don't have those feelings for you."

Joseph moved his hand up my leg so that it was resting on my upper thigh. Way upper. I tried to swat his hand away, but he only squeezed my leg. "Joseph, you're hurting me. Stop it now!"

Suddenly, Joseph had switched our positions so that he was on top of me. I hadn't even had time to think, it had happened so fast. One second I was yelling at him, the next, he was forcing his lips on mine. I shoved against him, but he pinned my hands above my head with one hand, while using the other start pulling at my shorts. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't scream; I couldn't move. So, I started crying. When Joseph saw that I was crying, he stopped kissing me and looked at me.

"Don't cry, Anastasia." He tried to comfort me. "It will only hurt for a second."

That's when I managed a scream. I knew what he planned to do to me, then.

VILLE:

"Thanks, Quinn. I just need to tell her something real quick, and I'll bring the keys right back." I said. If only I had thought to get Anastasia's cell number the night before, I wouldn't have to be walking from room to room, searching for where Quinn had passed out. Luckily, Quinn was the driver, so he had gotten spare keys to all the bandmates' rooms.

When I was close to Ana's room, I heard a scream. I hurried to her door and unlocked it. When it opened, I saw what looked like Joseph on top of Ana. I rushed over and threw him off of her. Joseph hit the coffee table, turning it and all it's contents over onto the floor. I noticed the Jack Daniels. Joseph must be drunk. He didn't get up, so I assumed he had either passed out or been knocked out. Either way, I did not particularly care.

Ana sat up and threw her arms around me, not even taking the time to cover herself. I pulled the throw from the back of the sofa and wrapped it around her. She was sobbing, so I moved up and sat on the sofa, keeping her in my arms all the while.

We sat like that for what felt like forever"

"Don't call me again." Click. He hung up on me.

I dropped my phone on the bed beside me and put my face in my hands. What the Hell? It seemed to be a domino effect. One thing right after the other. Literally. I couldn't have just one day. One day without being groped or having someone throw themselves at me or losing a friend. How was I going to tell the guys that Joseph really wasn't coming back to the band? We didn't have anyone to replace him for the last three shows. We were going to have to cancel and leave the tour early. This day just couldn't get any worse.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4:

Ten minutes later, I opened the door and let Ville inside my room. It was noon and Ville was right on time, of course. I told him to sit down and he sat on the arm of the sofa. I stood in front of him and told him what had happened with Joseph just a few minutes earlier. I told him that we would have to cancel our last three dates on the tour and leave a few days early. After I had finished explaining, Ville asked me what exactly had happened with Joseph on the sofa that morning. So, I had to explain that as well.

"He just showed up at my door with flowers; he was obviously drunk. We sat on the sofa and he told me he loved me, then when I told him I didn't feel the same way, he accused me of having feelings for you. I told him that was not the case, but he just wouldn't hear it. Basically, he forced himself on me. I know now that he probably didn't mean it; he was just out of it. But, apparently, he did mean some of it." I said that last part, referring to when Joseph had said he loved me, then said a few minutes ago that, because he loved me, he wasn't going to stay. He said he couldn't handle it.

"I think it's best if you let him go." Ville said. "I mean, it's just going to be hurting the whole bandif you make him stay. He loves you, you don't feel the same way. It would just be awkward. Things with the band wouldn't be the same."

"Yeah, but without him, they won't be the same."

"True, except you can find someone to take his place and things will go back to normal. A different type of normal, but at least the happiness and the care-freeness won't be forced."

I sighed. "I guess you're right." I slumped down on the sofa. Ville patted my head. "I just wish none of this had ever happened. And I know Kurt, Tyler and Quinn are going to blame me for Joseph's leaving."

"Not if you explain what happened."

I leaned my head against his leg. I didn't mean it romanticallyI just felt exhausted with having to deal with all of this. "What if they don't believe me?"

"They will." Ville massaged my shoulder lightly.

"Will you come with me?" I asked shyly. I didn't want to bring him into my problems, though he kind of already was involved, considering he had thrown Joseph off of me.

"Sure, love. When do you want to go?"

I took a deep breath and stood. "Now."

We walked slowly toward Kurt and Tyler's room. I had texted them and told them to meet me there. I told them we had to talk about Joseph. I knocked and Kurt opened the door for me. The three of them sat on the end of one of the beds, watching me expectantly. Ville rubbed my back, encouraging me to begin. So, I told them all about everything that had happened with Joseph, up until he hung up on me.

For a few minutes, no one said anything and I started freaking out internally. Then, Tyler said, "So what do we do?"

"You guys aren't mad at me?" I asked, kind of surprised.

"No, why would we be? That was an ass move of Joseph." Kurt said.

"Yeah, what the Hell is wrong with him? I really want to kick his ass right now." Tyler joined in. He picked up his phone and I just knew he was calling Joseph. I took his phone away.

"No. We just have to find someone to replace him. Sure, we have to cancel a few tour dates, but we can make up for it later."

"Not to mention the media will be all over this." Quinn said. He hadn't spoken the whole time; I had almost forgotten he was there.

"Shit. I did not think about that."

"What are we going to tell them?" Kurt asked.

I thought for a second. "We'll just tell them that due to some differences, Joseph decided that he didn't want to be in The Romanovs anymore. Also, I think it would be best if none of us contacted him. I mean, he already told me not to, but if we do...it will probably just be trouble."

"Okay. We won't try to contact him." Quinn and Tyler nodded in agreement.

"So this is settled?" Ville asked. "Because Ana and I are late for fast food."

"Oh, a date!" Tyler exclaimed.

"Not a date. I'll meet you guys on the bus this evening." I handed Quinn my room key and asked one of the guys to put my duffel bag on the bus. They agreed and Ville and I left.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5: Ville and I went to Wendy's (one of the better fast-food restaurants). I ordered a Ceasar Salad and Ville ordered the same. We took our food to the park and chose a secluded spot by the lake. The sun was shining today and there was hardly even a breeze, making it much warmer than the day before. We were on the end of the park where no one else seemed to care for. Maybe it was because they feared their children would fall in the lake, or perhaps they just didn't see any reason to come here (there were no benches, there wasn't a track). But Ville and I liked it better here. We ate in silence, just enjoying the day. The birds were chirping and the blue sky was contrasting well with the green trees. It was early March and Spring was coming fast in Atlanta. I sighed in ecstasy. This was so relaxing and much-needed. Much deserved, if you asked me. So many issues to work out, but those could wait until we got back on the bus. Now was Ana-alone-time. Of course, there was Ville, but he was so quiet, I hardly remembered he was there. Until I noticed him staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I raised an eyebrow, but Ville didn't explain himself. "Why are you staring at me?" I asked. Ville smirked and turned away. "No reason." "Okaayy. So, we have about three hours until departure. What do you wanna do?" "Hmm.. How about we—" Before Ville could finish, my phone rang. "Kurt? What's up?" I answered. "Ana, Joseph called Quinn and invited him to join Jo's band. Quinn packed his stuff and flew to Virginia." "Jesus. I've only been gone two hours. Okay, I'm on my way. We'll figure something out." I hung up and looked at Ville. He stared at me questioningly. "Jo invited Quinn to join his band. Quinn's gone." I fell back onto the soft grass and covered my face with my arm. Ville laid back beside me. "So what are you going to do now?" "No idea. Probably just fly back to Richmond and try to work all this out." "Well, you guys could still finish the tour. Probably won't be able to play, but there are only three days left, so you could just come with us." "You can ask the guys, but I need to get home and figure everything out." I looked at Ville. "Thanks, though." "Yeah. When everything is okay, we're going to have to go on tour again together. It's not fair to the fans." "Agreed. I'd better get back to the hotel." We stood and started making our way back to the hotel to talk to Kurt and Tyler. I knew they would want to go back on the road with HIM for the last few days of the tour, but I was the manager, as well as the vocalist, so it was my job to get our band back together. Besides, it was partially my fault that Joseph had left anyway. Ville and I got off the elevator on the seventh floor and walked to Kurt's room, where he and Tyler were freaking out. I made them calm down and sit so that I could talk to them about what I was going to do. "Listen, guys. Ville said that you guys could stay on the tour with HIM, even though you can't actually perform. I have to go back to Richmond to figure all this out. It's my fault that Joseph left in the first place, so you guys go on with Ville and the band and I'll call you when I work things out and get another guitarist and driver." I said. I took a sip of my Mountain Dew and ran my fingers through my hair. "How about this? Me, you and Tyler go with HIM and we figure it out together like a band should? Because you and I both know that it's not your fault Joseph left." Kurt said. "Joseph left because he's a dick." "Yeah, you have to come with us. I'm sure the fans at the last shows would like to know why we're not playing anyway." Tyler said. Ville turned to me. "They're right, you know. You made a commitment to your fans. You can't exactly leave them hanging." I put my hand on my hip and glared at all of them. Then, I sighed. "Fine. I'll finish the tour, but we have to figure this out tonight." I told the guys. "Okay." Kurt and Tyler said in unison. "Well, we've got two and a half hours until we leave Atlanta. What do you guys want to do?" Ville asked us. Just then, the rest of HIM walked in too, Bam Margera on their heels. "Hey! Now it's a party!" Tyler said, standing and waving his arms in the air. Bam had a few bottles of liquor in his arms and a girl with him that I didn't recognize. She had long brown hair and was tall and skinny. I realized it was Sandra when she hugged Ville and kissed him on the lips. Ville announced that he was going to talk to Sandra and they left. Now I was the only girl again. Bam passed around the bottles and came over to talk to me. "Hey, Ana." He put his arm around my shoulder. "Hey, Bam." I replied. Bam pulled away and really looked at me. "What's wrong?" "A lot of things. But let's not talk about that right now." "Well you can talk to me. Anytime." "Thanks. You, too." "Hey, guys. We have to go." Ville came into the room an hour and a half later with Sandra on his arm. Bam and Sandra were coming with us down to Tampa tonight. By this time, everyone except Ville and I was drunk. Again. Even Sandra was staggering onto the bus. She collapsed onto a random bunk. There were six bunks on the HIM bus. Four for Gas, Linde, Mige and Burton. Apparently, one was for Sandra, though she would probably room with Ville in the back room the next night. Tyler took the last bunk, leaving me, Kurt and Bam to fight over the couch, the floor and the booth. It was overly crowded. "I think I'll take the couch." A drunk Bam said, lying on the red couch. A second later, he was snoring. I looked back over to Kurt. He was already passed out on the floor by my feet. Ville came out of his room and saw me standing there awkwardly. "Uhh.. You can take my bed and I can sleep in the booth." Ville said. "No. You have a show tomorrow. Besides, I don't think Sandra woud like that." I replied, pulling my favorite blanket from one of my bags and trying to get comfortable in the booth. "Well at least come talk to me until I get tired." "Okay." That booth was already starting to hurt my back. I followed Ville back to his room. It was small, of course. Ville told me that the guys had told him to take this room because he didn't drink or anything anymore. It was only fair. Ville had a Rolling Stones logo poster on the wall above his bed and a bunch of CDs scattered around on the floor and little table in the corner. There was a small closet that had what looked to be a shirt sleeve sticking out. I sat on Ville's bed, crossing my legs criss-cross-apple-sauce and leaning against the wall. It was about seven o' clock and everyone but Ville and I were passed out. Besides the driver, of course. Ville sat beside me, his legs hanging off the side of the bed. He was leaning against the wall as well. "What did you want to talk about?" I asked. I couldn't think of anything to say to him, really. "Anything. It's barely seven o' clock and everyone is passed out." Ville replied, turning his head to look me in the eyes. His eyes were so green, they reminded me of emeralds. "Okay. Did you and Sandra have a nice time today?" That was pretty much the only thing I could think of to talk about. And I kind of wanted to know, too. Not that I liked Ville as more than a friend, I was just curious to know what he liked in a girl. You know, for future reference? "Yeah, we did." "What did you guys do? Unless it's personal." I added that last part on as an afterthought. If they had had sex, I didn't want to know the details. "We just talked. Obviously, she drank. A lot." "You're sober now, so why does she still get drunk? It seems unfair to you." Ville sighed. "I don't know. I told her she could drink if she wants to, but I would rather her not do it around me. Usually, she doesn't drink when I am around. I don't know why she did last night." "I'm sure if you told her that you were uncomfortable with her drinking around you, she would understand and not do it anymore." "I have. She still does it from time to time. It's not that often, so I just brush it off." "Maybe you shouldn't." "What about you? How long were you with Mikal before that last incident?" Ville asked. I wasn't expecting the questions to start coming at me, so I had to think about my answer. How long had we been together? "About six months." "Why so long?" "As you've probably guessed, he wasn't abusive in the beginning. We were happy for a while. He took me out and we would just stay home sometimes and watch movies and have hot chocolate. Then, one day, I was at his place and I accidentally broke a glass and he just..snapped on me." I thought back to the first time Mikal had actually hit me. "I mean, we had fought before that, but this time something was different. This was about a month and a half into our relationship, so I wasn't expecting Mikal to be on drugs. I should have noticed the signs. Anyway, I dropped the glass and he exploded. He started screaming at me and I apologized and told him it was just a glass.." [Flash Back:] "I'm sorry, Mikal. It's just a glass. Calm down." I said. Why was he so angry? Geez, it wasn't that big a deal. "You can't do anything right! You just fuck everything up!" Mikal yelled at me. He was sweating and his eyes were glassy. I knew then that something was up. He never acted like this. "I'll clean it, okay?" I bent over to pick up some of the glass, and when I came back up, Mikal slapped me across the face. The glass in my hands went flying across the room. Mikal hit me so hard, I fell to the floor, my left hand landing on a piece of the broken glass. I barely registered that I was bleeding; that wasn't important. Mikal had just hit me. I stood up and pushed him. He staggered a little, but came back at me, slamming me against the counter. I felt the impact as the edge of the counter slammed into my back. It hurt like Hell, but that was not the end of it. Mikal grabbed me by both shoulders and squeezed. He stared into my eyes. A moment later, he stopped freaking out. I don't know why, maybe because I was crying and a little bloody. Whatever the reason, I was glad. Mikal broke down and started crying, burying his face in my neck and wrapping his arms around my waist. I swallowed hard and rubbed his back soothingly. I knew that he hadn't meant what he had just done, so I forgave him. [End Flash Back] "And I kept forgiving him." I finished telling Ville about the fight. "Why did you keep letting him do it?" Ville asked. He had been silent while I told the story, but now he had a lot of questions. "Did you try to get him help for the drugs? Did he ever apologize?" "To answer your first question: at the time, I loved him. I didn't want to lose him and I thought we could move past it and that he would eventually stop. And yes, I tried to get him help several times, but he would always leave the rehabilitation centers and start right back up again on the heroin. He apologized every time." Ville seemed to think for a moment before saying, "I'm sorry that happened to you." "Yeah, me too. But it's not your fault, it's mine. I'm over it now though." "When is the last time you talked to Mikal?" "Almost two years ago." "So, you don't know what happened to him?" "No, I don't." That suddenly bothered me a lot. Why hadn't I thought to check in on him? Did I not care enough? "Would you mind if I looked into it?" "No, not at all. Would you mind to tell me what you find out?" "Of course I will tell you." "Thanks." "Sure. So tell me about your life." "Are you sure you aren't tired yet?" I asked jokingly. "Nope. Not in the slightest." Ville said with a grin. Sighing, I began telling Ville about how I grew up. "I was in foster homes for a good five years. The first family I remember was nice enough. I was about seven then. But right when I started getting comfortable there, I had to move. "When I was nine, I went to a home that consisted of drunks and drug addicts. The father tried to rape me, but I was not having any of that, so I ran away to Social Services and told them what happened. They investigated and found that two other foster children there had been raped, so the father and mother were arrested for drugs and sexual abuse. "Three years later, I was in an orphanage. The orphanage wasn't so bad, really. Some of the women who worked there were really nice, but others were cruel. I had a best friend there and one lady, Mrs. Marshall, really hated her. Mrs. Marshall beat Lexi daily. Anyway, when I was sixteen, I was adopted. Sarah and Arnie were great, but I had to get out of there and do my own thing. So when I turned eighteen, I moved in with Tyler and we started The Romanovs. And here we are." "I don't understand it." Ville said, almost to himself. "Understand what? I really don't feel like going through that again." I said with a little laugh. "I don't understand why people believe there is a god when so much terrible shit happens in the world." "People just need something to believe in. Even if it doesn't make sense. Even if it isn't logical. I believe everything happens by chance and our own actions. And the actions of those around us, obviously. If that weren't the case, then I would not have ended up with the life I had." "Did you ever try to find them? You parents, I mean." "Yeah, I did. My mom is dead. She died when I was around eleven. I found my father in DC. We had a gig there when we first started out and I decided to look them up before heading up there. My dad was living in the area, so I went to his house and we talked." "What did he say, if you don't mind me asking?" "He told me that they gave me up because they weren't ready for the responsibility of taking care of a child. My mom was only sixteen when she had me; my dad was only seventeen. After they gave me up, they also got addicted to drugs. That's how my mom died, she overdosed. Hell, my dad has probably overdosed by now. He looked like shit when I met him." "Do you ever think about helping him?" "Yeah, sure I do. But then I think that he didn't help me, so why bother?" "Because no matter what happens or happened in the past, he is still your father." "He is not my father." I sighed heavily and checked my phone for the time. It was almost nine. "If I find him again, would you try to help him?" I yawned. "Maybe. If he wanted it." That's the last thing I remember saying for everything went black. 


End file.
